Holy Exploding Water Heater! Almost.

I was under the impression that when the water heater breaks ... you just lose your hot water.

Wrong.

When the thermostat in your water heater breaks you get a fire-breathing shower head, humidity that can only be compared to a muggy day in a tropical rain forest, condensation that leaves more than just a ring on the coffee table, a menagerie of multi-colored mold in your basement and in undetected cases ... an explosion.

With a stretch and a yawn, I hit the snooze button and rolled over to try and snatch an extra five minutes of unconsciousness. Midway through my roll, I noticed that my husband was stooped in the hallway inspecting the floor boards. They were wet. Actually, they were soaked. What in tarnation is going on here?

The plumber had recently been over to "repair" the faucet in our bathtub. (We see our plumber pretty regularly. Let's call him "Jim" ... he's a main character in this story. Plus that's really his name.) We presumed Jim had tinkered around in the wall and created a slow leak somewhere. So we scheduled for him to come over the following morning for repairs. (Which happened to be Cameron's first day back to preschool. For future reference ... please note that the front door of Cameron's preschool is only a stones throw away from our front door.)

Later that night, we decided to brave the basement to see if there was any signs of a leak there. Perhaps we would even find the leak and be able to impress Jim with our boundless knowledge of plumbing. Instead, we noticed 12 inches of water on the floor and water gushing out of the water heater. Our Christmas decorations were elegantly floating in a glittery pond that once resembled our basement. (Not really ... but, it makes the story more spicy. There was only about a half an inch of water on the floor and nothing was actually floating). We also noticed an abundance of green mold that somehow looked pretty when paired with all of the red ornaments. Tom waded through the tinsel and soggy nutcrackers to turn off the water. My initial thought was ... "Whatever do you mean there's no water until tomorrow morning! What if someone has to go number 2?" I'm a pro-flush kinda gal. You could even crown me Honorary Courtesy Flusher. Luckily, I was just borrowing bowel trouble. No potty breaks were needed that night.

It was time to get up and get Cameron ready for school. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I heard a knock at the door. Jim and his little worker bee had arrived. I quickly finished getting Cameron ready and grabbed my camera (It wouldn't be the first day of school without official mommy photos. My children know this and dread it. But, they oblige). I had just plopped Cameron onto the sofa to watch a new episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when we heard screams coming from a seemingly distraught plumber.

"Oh My Gaaaawd!! Hit the breaker!

 It's about to explode!!"

There was steam billowing out of the basement door. The worker bee sprinted towards the breaker box and I immediately gathered Cameron and his Lightning McQueen backpack and scooted them out the door. I thought that this was the perfect opportunity for Cameron's "first day of school" photo shoot. This was my attempt to save Cameron from harm and possibly capture the explosion on film. I was multi-tasking. I snapped a few prize winning photos (minus an explosion) and then we got the "all clear" to return inside. There was no explosion. But, I couldn't refrain from singing the SNL's "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions" song for the next few hours.

I'm glad that no one was hurt ... but, I will admit that it sounded pretty exciting for a moment. AND it definitely would have solved the mold dilemma.

If that wasn't enough entertainment for one morning ... it gets more interesting.

We then heard extreme horn honking coming from outside. We went to investigate. We found our 97 year old neighbor laying on the horn of his shiny golden Buick. He was using this tactic to get Jim the plumber to move his van out of the middle of the road. Jim reluctantly agreed and moved his van about 4 feet. He was still blocking the road so, the neighbor continued to honk. Jim told him that he wasn't going to move and he'd have to call the police. The annoying beeping continued for about 15 minutes. There was some cursing and then the old guy pulled out a can of mace and allegedly "threatened Jim's life" with it. Jim was pretty shaken up and decided to call the police himself. (In my opinion ... Jimmy was in the wrong. He should have just moved his van and let the man through. But, I stayed quiet. Except for a few giggles that I let slip. Seriously? A death threat? It's just mace, man.)

As I watched this all unfold ... complete with lights and sirens ... I realized that it was time to take Cameron across the street and drop him off at preschool (also a United Methodist Church). Cameron was pleased with the light show. However, I was mortified. Talk about your first impressions! Every teacher, mom and dad had watched the drama that had occurred at our place. I'm pretty sure that they prayed extra hard for our blued eyed boy and his family during Chapel that day.

In conclusion ...

The plumber and his worker bee fixed the thermostat on our water heater.

Service Master removed all of the mold and dried everything.

Our holiday decor is no longer swimming.

Jim moved his plumber van. (I'm pretty sure the police officer made him feel like an idiot.)

The old man wasn't charged with any crimes that day. (Evidently, you're allowed to carry mace and use it if you feel threatened.)

My house did not explode. (But, I had my camera ready just in case.)