I think I owe it to my readers to finish my E! True Hollywood Story.
So, without further ado …
18. I've always wanted to stand up in the middle of an event, give a speech and have someone start a slow clap for me. Regretfully, there are a few things wrong with this scenario.
So, without further ado …
18. I've always wanted to stand up in the middle of an event, give a speech and have someone start a slow clap for me. Regretfully, there are a few things wrong with this scenario.
- I don't like speaking publicly. As a matter of fact, while in college, I dropped Public Speaking 101 three semesters in a row.
- I'm a mumbler. If my audience can't understand what I'm saying, it would probably leave my speech a little flat. Instead of clap - clap. I'd hear cricket - cricket.
19. I'm a fraidy cat. Snakes, spiders, bears, bats (and other critters of the night), the post office after dark, public transportation, Nutella, sock monkeys, Black Friday shoppers wearing running shoes (because they mean business), America's Most Wanted, Oobi, female construction workers, quick sand, airplane turbulence, David Hasselhoff, potted meat, log trucks, crop circles, foreign objects found under my couch cushions, elementary school cafeterias and "Kick a Ginger Kid Day" are all on the list of things that could possibly trigger a heart attack one day.20. I have an "Awww crap! … I sound just like my (insert name of smart elder here)" moment at least once a week.
- "Use your head for more than a hat rack!"
- "Do you think I just fell off of the turnip truck?"
- "Turn off the light. Do you own stock in the electric company?"
21. I don't think that Lady GaGa or Ke$ha deserve radio air time. I secretly wish that they would go on tour together, the stage would collapse and they would land directly on their esophagus's. This would knock out both of their careers in one fell swoop. Problem solved.
22. I think that the sound of children laughing is one of the most precious sounds in the world. Unless, of course, they are laughing at me. In that case, I think it's just plain obnoxious.
23. I know all of the prepositions … in alphabetical order … and I can sing them to the tune of Yankee Doodle. I performed this neat little trick for the entire family during Christmas brunch last year. I'm pretty sure that my face was the same shade as Santa's famous red suit. Note - don't gloat about your secret talents if you'd prefer not to be put on display (please refer to number 18 - section 1).
24. My Blackberry does make me feel slightly more important than you. Too bad the only time it beeps is when I receive junk e-mail or the alarm clock is going off.
25. I didn't learn how to use a plunger until 2004.
22. I think that the sound of children laughing is one of the most precious sounds in the world. Unless, of course, they are laughing at me. In that case, I think it's just plain obnoxious.
23. I know all of the prepositions … in alphabetical order … and I can sing them to the tune of Yankee Doodle. I performed this neat little trick for the entire family during Christmas brunch last year. I'm pretty sure that my face was the same shade as Santa's famous red suit. Note - don't gloat about your secret talents if you'd prefer not to be put on display (please refer to number 18 - section 1).
24. My Blackberry does make me feel slightly more important than you. Too bad the only time it beeps is when I receive junk e-mail or the alarm clock is going off.
25. I didn't learn how to use a plunger until 2004.
