Please Let Me Know, I'm Curious.

1. There is a mosque (a place where Muslims go to worship) near my home. I drive past this mosque on a regular basis. Sometimes, ever so briefly, I find myself daydreaming about camels (yes, camels). I have a pretty unique (and perhaps, ridiculous) question. When a mosque has an event, such as Vacation Koran School (I assume this exists), do the directors bring camels at the end of the week?  You know, like a treat for the kiddies. If anyone has attended Vacation Koran School, please let me know. I'm curious. 

(I'm also curious where one finds a camel-for-hire. My son's 4th birthday is quickly approaching. Camel rides would surely put Cameron at the top of the "Best Aladdin Themed Birthday Party" list.) 

2.  Milk. It has a "Sell By" date tattooed on the container, right? No duh. We all know that it does. But, what good does that do us, the consumer? Seriously. Why doesn't the tattoo say "Drink By"?

Dear Cow-Aide Makers,


How long do we actually have before the calcium rich liquid turns into an undrinkable solid? Come on guys ... at least tattoo a description of what kind of a smell we can expect once it becomes undrinkable. 


Sincerely, 
A Curious Consumer

If anyone out there knows the translation for the "Sell By" date, please let me know. I'm curious.

3. While driving to one of our local Wal-Marts (I know, I know ... you might be a redneck if your town has more Wal-marts than it does Starbucks), we were behind a firetruck and an ambulance. Both emergency vehicles had their lights and sirens in full weee-ooooh-weee-oooooh force. I assumed that they were speeding to the same emergency. However, I couldn't help but wonder .... What if they were not heading to the same emergency? Who has to pull over? The firetruck ... or the ambulance. If any hometown heroes have ever been in this situation, please let me know. I'm curious. 

4. The microwave setting called "POPCORN". I don't like popcorn very much. I like the way that it tastes, it's those obnoxious kernels that I'm picking out of my bicuspids for the next 3 hours that I don't fancy. However, I have two children that rely on the buttery snack (well, actually just one … the other has a shiny set of braces on her teeth). My microwave has a convenient "POPCORN" button on the control panel. I put the popcorn in, press said button, wait until the microwave dings, remove the bag and open it, only to find that my popcorn (which I patiently waited 1 minute and 40 seconds for) is burnt. Why don't the manufacturers of microwaves just take 10 seconds off of this setting?

Sometimes, I cannot help but to feel as though the button is taunting me.

Button - "Push me! Go ahead. You know you want to!"

Me - "Ooooh … That's handy. Thank you, Button."

Button - "Good Luck!"

Microwave - "Beeeeep. Beeeeep."

Me - "Crap. Hold on Cameron, it's burnt. Let me try another bag."

Button - "Bahahahaaaaaa ….. Suckerrrrrrr!! You fell for it … AGAIN! You're so lazy. Is it that difficult to just stand beside me and wait 1 minute and 30 seconds? The bag warned you. When you hear 2 seconds between POPS … your food is done. Better luck next time, loser."

Me - "Shut up, Button."

So, if you are Mr. Maytag, Mr. Kenmore or Mr. GE … why don't you just take 10 wimpy seconds off of the "POPCORN" button setting, please let me know. I'm curious.