Just a Thought ... or Six.

I have this nagging voice in the back of my head. It's shouting "Blog woman!!! ... there are people out there who are actually reading this stuff!" The problem is, I've come down with a case of blogger's block. Self diagnosed of course. (I tend to do a lot of self diagnosing. I truly believe that WebMD is the enemy. I have had Tumors, Attention Deficit Disorder, Bone Spurs, Kidney Stones, Pink Eye, Mercury Poisoning, and Osteoporosis. That was just last week.)

Since I have no idea what kind of ramblings to ramble about this go round, I'll just spew a few completely stray thoughts that have been rattling around inside my head.

My first thought. The phrase "Do you want the good news? ... or the bad news?"

This is a horrible combination of questions. I choose neither. I would also recommend putting on your ear muffs as soon as this phrase leaves the lips of the news giver. Inevitably, the bad news is going to be the knock you off your feet devastating kind. Anything after that is obviously going to be slightly better news. The consolation prize, if you will.

Bad news - Your baby just got eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Good news  - The McRib is back.

Bad news - A UFO beamed up your grandma, then crashed into your house and burst into flames.
Good news - Food Lion has Toaster Strudels on MVP.


Bad news - Sarah Palin was just elected President of the United States of America. 
Good news - There's a Mork & Mindy marathon on TVLand. Nanoo Nanoo. 

My second thought. In the 1800's was everything in black and white (sepia at best)? Because in my head ... it was.

I'm pretty sure that color was invented in the early 1900's. No need to look it up ... it won't be in the history books. You don't have to ask your 110 year old great great grandmother either, as I'm sure she already forgot. Besides, it's not like you're going to get a logical answer out of her anyway.

My third thought. Sunbeams shooting out from behind the clouds remind me of Jesus.

This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. When I'm lucky enough to witness it, I stare in adoration for a few minutes seconds (it's too bright to let my eyes linger for too long) and I think thank you Jesus for this moment. Thank you Jesus for this life. Thank you Jesus for showing me your pretty rays despite the fact that the mere thought of waking up before noon on a Sunday makes me cringe.

My fourth thought. Skinny Jeans.

What a misleading little trick that the fashion industry has played on us oval shaped women. The optomistic woman thinks the title says "Wear me ... I'll make you look skinny". Reality says "Hey butter butt ... these jeans are for Olive Oil. Not you." 

Seriously, those things should come with a warning label.

*WARNING* - Do not use if you are over 85 lbs. Do not wear if you have cankles (it takes an act of congress to get these inappropriately named jeans over your calves and ankles). Breathing problems may occur. If you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant please ask your physician before use.

My fifth thought. I've come to the conclusion that my 9 year old daughter is a better chef than I am.

Lately, Aubree has been doing a lot of tinkering in the kitchen. Within the last 48 hours she has delighted us with frosted brownies, lemon squares and even chicken marinara. All of which were not only edible but absolutely delicious. Her brownies were the perfect batch of chocolatey, unburnt, chewy edged, beautifully frosted, non-stick bliss. Her lemon squares reminded me of Pledge on a warm summer's morning. Her chicken marinara would've given the Iron Chef a run for his money.

Ho hummmm ... This is the part where I extend a heartfelt apology to my husband. I'm sorry dear. I cannot cook. I am the queen of take-out. Pizza Hut is the closest thing to gourmet that you're ever gonna get out of me. Aubree definitely takes the cake. Or makes the cake rather. Heck, I have to call my mom to get the recipe for hard boiled eggs. (It's true. Ask her. Every Easter she gets a phone call.)

My sixth thought. Macaroni and Cheese flavored breakfast cereal.

Obviously this doesn't exist. But, I think it should. My son, Cameron is a die-hard mac n' cheese loving maniac. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, Kraft Mac N' Cheese is what he wants. He marches down the steps around midnight (almost every night for the past 2 weeks) to ask for a bowl full. He wakes up in the morning with the same look in his eye and orange drool on his chin. It's just weird to eat the stuff at 9am. I'm thinking about pitching my idea to a big cereal company.


Dear General Mills, 
I'd like to take a moment to pitch a new cereal flavor to you. Macaroni and Cheese flavored Cheerios. Before you stick your nose up to the idea, remember that you already ruined the integrity of these tiny O's by making them fruity and then chocolatey. Try cheese. It can't hurt, right? It's usually the "why didn't I think of that" ideas that are the best sellers. Not to mention that you would make my son an extremely happy kid. Try it. If it doesn't work out, trust me I'll understand - I won't be eating the crap. Do it for the picky eaters. Do it for the kids. Do it for me. 


Please and Thank You. 


Your friend, 


Alison 
Mommy to a cheese obsessed breakfastless preschooler. 

Well. My brain hurts. So that will bring today's thought session to a close.

Until next time ....